Heffboom_konijn (heffboom_konijn) wrote,

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Getting alot things off my chest.... TL:DR at bottom

 I know its been almost a whole year since ive update my LJ and ill try to keep it more updated lately ^ ^

now for the journal:

ive been getting my life in order lately and have feeling good about that, but for each yin...there is a yang.

first let my start by saying this.

I have 2 sides to myself i partake in.

1. Heffboom, my male side, and overall key role. he is who i am on a daily basis at work, to family, and some friends

2. Emily, she is my female side, i have very feminine tendencies, im and extreamly emotional person, i feel others feelings (pain, sorrow, joy, bliss, etc...) and it all effects me. I dress girly, i have somewhat small boobs, im prowd of becoming in touch with the female in me. i have come to terms with it.

(insert note: next part is psychology 101 for some)

NOW the important part. ive gotten some flack from some furs, about my life choices, how i disappoint them for indulging my other side.......I CALL BULL SHIT! the people who usealy say these things, most of them are in fact homosexual (im pan-sexual, i go where the wind blows kinda thing) so for them to judge me, look down upon me, is insulting and rude....not to mention hypocritical. you want others to accept you for being gay, going to pride festivals, acting stereotypically gay in some form or fashion. ill accept you for who you are as my friend and support you, but how dare you judge me, when you live an alternate lifestyle your-selfs (NOTE: NOT DIRECTED AT ONE PERSON BUT A FEW WHO I KNOW WILL SEE THIS)

part 2:

im a very kind person, i live by a strict code of love others, turn the other cheek, forgive and forget, golden rule, etc....

but dont.....dont BULL SHIT ME

if you feel the need to try to one up me with info or "facts" about somthing, 1. i will call it as i see it, 2. i will look into the matter with multiple resources and facts. 3. chances are ive let "you" (generaly speaking) get away with this.

I dont like confrontation, I dont like to argue or fight. words can be exchanged on a causual level. its ok to be wrong sometimes. it happens to me ALOT. and if i spill out some BS....call me on it. i wont be upset, just have legit facts and sources, and it will be done.

...what else....

right, this is directed to the local furs who know me well and who i treated as family.

5 months ago, I made the agonizing choice to move back home with my folks to get my life in order, i had to send my mate back to LA as my parents forbid him to stay with us.

I dropped off the radar for months, I was extreamly depressed, no job, no money, and missing my mate.

so for anyone i know who thought it was rude of me stop contact to any of you.....excuse me for having life issues outside of the fandom.....does the word selfish ring a bell to anyone? i hope so cause this is rediculaus, i will not put up with the high school clicqe attitude some of you have.

I love you all and that wont ever change, but you need to know LIFE COMES FIRST, then the fandom.

*huffs* ok, feeling alittle better now, im sure there is going to be a backlash from this or ill stop hearing from some folks, but guess what, this is 100% truth, if you cant deal with it, thats not my fault....look in a mirror first.

one last tid bit of news, im fully aware of how some of you feel about my mates actions and choice of words sometimes, ive discussed it with him, and we are in progress to improve the situation. I love him no matter what, and if others decided he is not worth there time. thats fine. keep it to yourself, but i however will support him no matter what, but i will take any advice, providing its "constructive" rants do not work

some good news.

1. I have an awesome retail job making good money and almost no stress, my last job nearly put me in the hospital from a panic attack and namonia

2. i live in a wonderful home with 2 loving people, my mistress and her partner, soon my pup will be back and things will be awesome

3. FC is ago, time off aproved, now saving money ^ ^

again I love you all, and im not burning any bridges, but im just stating the crap stops here, if your friend, act like one. talk to me if you have a problem, dont discuss feeling about me with someone else....what good will that do

TL:DR......there is none, scroll up, and slowly read. trust me it wont hurt you as much as you may thing to read a full journal.

after all most books dont have a TL:DR so i wont either...tough

love you all, my friends, fur family, littler brothers, and sisters. thank you

-Heffboom/Emily Konijn
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